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  “I don't know. Since I found out about Gabriel here, I just, my head hasn't been on the job.”

  “That's because you have something else to live for. Something else to drive you.”

  “When she left, I poured everything into my career. I got promoted faster than anyone, I took the jobs that no one wanted, I purposely risked my life, looking for that drive. And now.. when I think about deploying on some special op in the middle of no where, it terrifies me. Me.” I laughed. “What does that make me?”

  “A father.” He said simply, as he opened the grill to flip the burgers. “The army was your life Jake. Now it's him.”

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  “Isn't it?”

  “Things with Evie, and I, they aren't that simple. You know I'm terrible when it comes to saying the right things. I fucked things up. Again.”

  “The kiss?”

  “She told Zoe!?” I asked, semi shocked. “Wait, did Zoe tell you anything?”

  “What are we a couple of gossiping school girls? Come on Jake. What do you think?”

  “Hey boys, we're ready on our end, where's the burgers!?” Zoe asked, popping her head out the sliding door.

  “Woman, I'll bring the burgers in when I'm ready.” Wes said, playfully shaking the spatula at her.

  “Woman?” She shot back, stepping outside, and crossing her arms over her chest.

  Wes took three purposeful steps towards her, backing her up against the door, still holding the spatula in his hand. “Woman.” He whispered, his breath against her ear. “Don't make me spank you in front of your brother.” She giggled, opening the sliding door, and slipping away before he could make good on his promise, and I tried not to cringe. “Ready to eat boys?” He asked, quickly turning to face us, and plate the burgers.

  I rolled my eyes, picking my boy up, and heading inside to get him cleaned up for dinner. After washing his hands, I helped him into his booster seat Evie brought, and sat down beside him. Gabriel was on the end, and Zoe to my right. Evie was directly across from me, and Wes from Zoe. Gabriel was the first to dig in, announcing that his food was yummy. We all laughed, as he brought his cup to his lips, washing down his bite. It was an amazing feeling, having dinner with my family. But it also hurt, knowing that Evie wasn't a part of it.

  What exactly did she tell Zoe any way? Did she still have feelings for me, or was the kiss just a reaction to old feelings? Was she angry with me for crossing that line again? Before I could contemplate any further, Zoe cleared her throat.

  “Jake, I want you to know that I invited Evie here early. I had a few choice words for her, and they weren't pretty. Don't worry, Wes took Gabriel out back with Rocko. I understand why she did things the way that she did, but what I don't understand, is after all these years why you two couldn't work things out.”

  “Zoe-” I warned, but she held her hand up to interrupt me.

  “The two of you have been fighting the inevitable for the better part of ten years.”

  “Zoe, please.” I begged, but she wouldn't be stopped.

  “Evie, all you ever wanted was for Jake to love you more than the army. And he did! He was ready to walk away, and start a life with you, and you just.. disappeared. I don't care if it isn't my business. I need to know why? What changed?”

  Evie stood then, her eyes locked on mine. “Jake?” She asked, her breath shaky. “What is she talking about?”

  Zoe's eyes widened in shock. “You mean.. you never told her?”

  Chapter 20 Then

  I gave up. I tried calling the police, but they said there was nothing they could do. If someone didn't want to be found, they didn't want to be found. I thought about hiring a private investigator, but Wes quickly put the nix in that plan, pointing out that she left the way that she did for a reason. So instead of trashing my apartment on base, like I had my bedroom at home, I decided to throw myself into work.

  Wes and I took whatever jobs were thrown at us, even the ones that were less than desirable. The two of us were like a wrecking crew. Neither of us had a significant other to come home to, and we both loved the thrill. Our General used that knowledge to his advantage sending us into all kinds of shit storms. After a couple of months, it got easier. I was no longer in constant pain, physically, or emotionally, and I had to admit, it felt good.

  We were both finishing up our first term enlistments, and while I decided to stay and move onto the IRR (Individual Ready Reserve), Wes' decision was different. He wanted to find a house, start a career, and make a name for himself somewhere. I envied him for that, because all I had was the army. Zoe didn't need me anymore, but they did. In three more months, we'd both be going home, so I invited him to stay with me.

  It was a spur of the moment decision that I didn't bother to run by Zoe. I knew she wouldn't mind, and it was only for a few weeks at the most. The truth is, we'd be doing each other favors. He needed a place to stay, and I had someone I trusted to keep on eye on her while I was away. He wasn't someone to take handouts, so convincing him wasn't an easy task, but in the end it became a mutual decision.

  Of course, cutting his strings from the army wouldn't be that simple. We had one more mission to wrap up before heading home, and it was one that neither of us were looking forward too. General dick head's decision to send my men after the ISIS threat months ago, had come back to bite him in the ass. Wes, and I, were now charged with rescuing Mendez, and Butler. And because no one else knew what he had done, we had absolutely no support.

  It wasn't our first time flying solo, and I sure as hell knew it wouldn't be our last, well not mine anyway. We had been prepping for the rescue for weeks, but something still wasn't sitting right with me. It had been months with no word from either man, and then suddenly, out of no where, one of them manages to “find” a radio. I brought my concerns up to General Wyatt, but he didn't seem the least bit interested. Wes, on the other hand, shared my concerns, so we were meeting up today to strategize, just in case shit got hairy.

  I knocked on his door, with three loud raps, our usual sequence, and he answered right away. I could smell the charcoal on him from the barbeque grill, and my stomach grumbled loudly. Wes laughed, motioning me inside, and I followed him through his apartment, and out the back door. The grill was loaded with chicken drum sticks, and the patio table was covered in file folders.

  I took a seat at the table, and opened one of them up checking out it's contents. “Where did you get files on Mendez, and Butler?” I asked.

  “General Wyatt. He's surprisingly accomodating when he's trying to cover his own ass.”

  I laughed, accepting the beer that he offered me, and popping it open. “Why are they even alive?” I asked aloud, but not expecting an answer. “Three months, and not one damn word. Where have they been? Who did the General really send them after?”

  “All good questions brother. But we don't get paid to know the answers. We get paid to get shot at so assholes like the General don't have to.”

  “I'll drink to that.” I said, taking a long pull from my bottle. “When you're done playing with your drumsticks, sit down so we can figure this shit out.”

  “Fuck you.” He said, turning the grill off, and taking the seat across from me.

  We spent the next two hours pouring over both mens files, as well as schematics for the building they were being “held” in. Even though we knew the mission was bogus, it wasn't like we could just decline it. We were in up to our necks, and with one word General dick head could have us both slapped with a dishonorable discharge. With Wes being so close to the end, I couldn't let that happen to him. So even with our reservations, we were all in.

  I left Wes' house that night full of chicken, beer, and a little fear. Fear was good though, it fed the adrenaline, and I knew I'd be needing a whole hell of a lot of that tomorrow morning. For the first time in months, I actually slept peacefully. Missions did that for me. Where other men stayed up all night, letting the fear eat at them, I found it calming
. I lived for the danger, the moments when your heart would beat so fast, you thought it might come out of your chest. Those were the moments that I couldn't live without, and my main reason for sticking around for four more years.

  Wes and I boarded the plane at 0500 the next morning. Because of the location of our brothers we had to parachute in, and meet ten miles from the drop point before we could be extracted. If everything went well, we'd be on a plane by night fall. We landed safely, and began the slow trek to the building where the men were. We had the cover of night on our sides, so sneaking around the perimeter turned out to be pretty simple.

  There were only two entrances, and our intel told us that there were four men inside besides our guys. One guard at each door, and two with the hostages. Wes went around back, while I took the front. When we reached our designated posts, we signaled each other on our two ways, and silently, and simultaneously took out the guards. Our next move was to enter the building through our respective doors, and meet where our men were being held.

  The building was small, but there were more hallways than I remembered seeing on the schematics. I radioed Wes, but all that came back was static. There must have been some kind of signal jammer being used. I tried again, but my luck was the same. Giving up on radio contact, I crept around the first corner, my weapon aimed and ready. The first three rooms were clear, but I could hear voices behind the fourth. I had two choices, wait for Wes, or go in. Before Evie, I would have waited. I would have weighed the risks, but now.. I just didn't care enough.

  I kicked the door open, my gun drawn. I quickly assessed the situation, and immediately took out the two threats. When they dropped to the floor, I raced to untie Mendez, turning back towards the door, my gun trained on it's entrance. I gave Mendez time to untie Butler, and on my cue the two followed me out of the room, and towards the back entrance. I radioed Wes again, but only got more static. I searched for him on my way out, but saw no sign of him. I had no choice. I had to get Mendez, and Butler to safety, and then I would go back.

  I gave my men the coordinates to the pickup site, and directed them to go, but of course they didn't listen. Instead, I handed them each a gun, and they waited, watching my six as I re-entered the building. I followed the same route, but still saw no sign of Wes so I backtracked, heading down the opposite hall. The one that wasn't on the schematics. There were only two doors down this hall, and they were both shut. I stopped, and listened, at the first but heard nothing. I gave the knob a slow turn, and pressed the door open quietly.

  I found three women asleep on a small cot, all huddled together, barely clothed. They looked to be American, but they were dirty, and it was hard to tell. I shut the door behind me, and made my way towards them. I placed my hand over the first woman's mouth, as she began to stir. “I'm not going to hurt you.” I whispered. “I'm a US soldier. Are you being held here?” She nodded rapidly, causing the other's to wake. I removed my hand from her mouth, and held my finger to my lips, silencing all three, just as the door swung open.

  I aimed my gun, and got off two shots before the women began to scramble behind me in fear. My gun jammed, as I was about to fire off a third, but more gun shots rang out from behind the assailants, and I tried my best to keep the women safely behind me. I felt the familiar sting of a bullet brush past my shoulder, and cursed out loud, finally getting my gun to work, and firing back a few shots of my own. It was after the last man fell to the ground that I heard Wes' voice say the all clear, and I was flooded with instant relief.

  “Always laying down on the job ay Sergeant?” Wes asked, with a shit eating grin.

  “Fuck you Granger.” I spat back, before letting him help me to my feet. “Everyone alright?” I asked, turning to face the women. They all seemed to be in one piece, so together Wes and I helped them outside, and made our way back to Mendez, and Butler. When our little group was safe, we radioed ahead, and let the General know we were on our way to the pick up point. The seven of us walked in silence for quite some time. Wes, and I in front, followed by the women, and Mendez, and Butler taking up the rear. After about forty five minutes, Wes finally broke the silence.

  “What the hell happened back there?” He asked, his question directed solely at me. “Last time I checked, this wasn't a rogue mission.”

  “I didn't have time to wait. I heard voices coming from inside the room, we were both heading to the same location, just came in different doors.”

  “How long did you wait?” He pressed.

  “I don't know a minute, maybe two, the radios were down.”

  “You could've gotten us all killed Jake.” He said, with anger. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

  “Not here Wes.” I warned, my own anger threatening to boil over.

  “Then when? When we go back to San Franscisco? When I have to tell your sister you dove head first into a hostile situation with no back up over a fucking girl!”

  “Shut the fuck up Wes!” I yelled, giving him a hard shove, and of course he shoved back. There we were in the middle of fucking no where, and we were throwing down like a pair of fucking teenagers. Mendez, and Butler quickly broke us up, and the women in our charge started crying, still fearful from their experiences.

  “You two done?” Mendez asked, holding my hands behind my back. “With all do respect Seargeant, I want to get the fuck back on US soil, and I'd appreciate it if you saved your little lover's spat until we do so.”

  “Fuck you Mendez!” Wes, and I replied at the same time, before shaking free from our captors, and finishing the rest of our walk in silence. Wes was right, I fucked up. I may have given up looking for Evie, but I sure as hell wasn't forgetting her any time soon. It's hard to wait for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.

  Chapter 21 Now

  After Zoe's spout of word vomit last night, I wasn't sure that Evie would want to see me, but to my surprise she agreed to meet me at my parent's house. The look on her face when she heard I was ready to leave the army felt like a punch in the gut. I could see the hope, and hurt in her eyes all at the same time. And then the shame. I could feel it coming off of her in waves. The more that my feelings began to surface, the more she began to realize how wrong she had been about us. About me.

  Even though she hurt me, I owed her an apology as well. I should have been honest. I never should have let her think that I didn't love her more than the army. I thought it was what she needed to hear, what she wanted to hear, so that she could move on, and be happy. We both fought so hard to do what we thought the other needed, that we forgot to even ask. We let each other go, because we thought the other deserved more, and in the end, we both ended up alone.

  I sat on the front porch, mulling over what I was going to say, when I watched her car pull into the driveway. I took a deep breath, and stood, as she exited, and made her way towards me. “Where's Gabriel?” I asked, as a way to break the ice.

  “Antonio's watching him. I thought we could use the time alone.” She said, looking down at her feet.

  “Please don't do that.” I said softly, using my finger to lift her chin. “I'm not one of your foster fathers, I'm not going to hurt you for having an opinon.

  “I know.” She smiled, looking into my eyes. “I guess I'm just nervous. It's silly isn't it. You're probably the person who knows me best in this world, and my stomach is literally doing cartwheels.”

  “It isn't silly. I feel the same.” I replied with a shaky laugh. “You want to come inside?”

  “I'd like that.”

  I opened the door for her, allowing her to enter first. It brought back memories from before, when she'd come over for lunch, or dinner. This house was where we spent all of our time as teens, especially after my parents died. It seemed surreal to be selling it now. “I seen the for sale sign out front.” Evie said, as if she were reading my mind.

  “Yea, the realtor came by yesterday. It's starting to feel real now I guess.”


  “We spent a lot of time in this house.” She smiled fondly.

  “Evie, I don't even know where to start. I feel like I have fucked up a lot of things in my life, but letting you walk away, feels like the biggest.”

  “Let's sit down.” She said, letting out a breath, and taking a seat on the couch.

  I followed her lead, sitting down on the opposite end. Wanting to give her space, but needing to be near her. “The weekend I came home to find you. I was going to tell you everything.” I started. “Your phone was off, your apartment was empty, and I lost it. I came here, to this house, upstairs, and I destroyed it. That last night that we were together, shouldn't have been our last. I should have told you then how I was feeling, and what my plans were.” I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

  “I didn't really give you a choice. I told you how things were going to be, and then when I found out I was pregnant I freaked. I ran. I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone involved. I know now that I didn't, but it doesn't change the fact that we both made mistakes Jake. We both handled things badly, immaturly. Maybe we weren't ready?”

  “I was going to propose to you.” I said standing, and pacing the floor. “I came home that weekend, to get my mother's ring from my safe. I just.. I just wanted to give us time you know? I wanted you to finish med school, and my last few months of first term enlistment.”

  Evie stood then, coming towards me. “You were going to.. purpose?” She stammered softly. “Jake, oh my God! I don't even know what to say to that. I thought we were on the same page. I thought the army was everything.If I had known for just one second, just one. God, that isn't something you just keep to yourself Jake!” She said with exasperation.

  “Neither is the fact that you were pregnant with my son!” I said, my own anger getting the best of me.

  “No. Don't! Don't bring Gabriel into this. I know I fucked up, ok?! I fucked up, and so did you, and here we are now in this fucked up situation! We have no one to blame but ourselves! We lied to each other to make each other happy Jake, who does that?!” She yelled, her voice on the edge of hysterics.