Serve & Protect Page 9

  “She's in an assisted living facility, besides why does it matter? I told you it had nothing to do with my dad's case.”

  “You don't find it odd that they share the same name? Sarah Cross, AKA Sarah Ryan, and that Ben was born in 1997. The same year as Sarah Ryan's son?”

  “You're reaching.” I laughed, sliding her phone back. “Tell me you don't agree with her?” I asked Noah.

  “It would explain a lot. If Sarah Ryan, is Sarah Elizabeth Cross it would explain why we couldn't find any trace of her. You said yourself that you thought Sarah Ryan wasn't her real name.”

  “Let's say you're right. Where does Ben fit into all this?”

  “Maybe nowhere. He may not even know that his mom had an alias. Her Alzheimer's was very early onset. According to Ben's birth certificate she's only forty four years old.”

  “What if he just wants answers. Why else would he move to the town where his mom was born? Maybe he just wanted to meet people who knew her, before she forgot who she was? I should go across the hall and talk to him, especially after the way we left things.”

  “Or..” Noah started, gripping my hand with his. “He's known from the minute he was put on this case that his mom was Sarah Ryan, and he's been trying to keep you from finding out the truth.”

  “But why? What would his motive be?”

  “Maybe he's protecting her?”

  “You mean, maybe she killed my dad?”

  “She has an illness, whatever happened in her house two years ago couldn't be held against her, and as an officer he would know that. Besides, I was there. It was a man who knocked me out, and there was no sign of Sarah on the premises before, or after the attack on your dad and I.”

  I glanced at the clock on the wall. “Erin, we need to head to work.”

  “Good thing I brought my clothes.” She said, grabbing her bag from the floor beside her and disappearing into the bathroom.

  “What are you thinking, Sugar?”

  “I'm thinking that I don't know Ben at all.” I said sadly.

  “Promise me something?” He asked, cupping my face in his hands. “Be careful around him.”

  “Promise.” I said, giving him a swift kiss before going to change for work.

  I had always been a good judge of character. My gut never let me down, and it was telling me that Ben had no idea that his mom could possibly be Sarah Ryan. What reason would she have for changing her name in the first place? I decided that when I got to work I was going to talk to the chief. I needed to come clean, and tell him everything even if it lost me my job.

  When I arrived, Ben was already in the conference room, and Erin was behind her desk. Before I had the chance to knock on Chief Craig's door, it was swinging open in front of me. I jumped back startled, and the look on the Chief's face was not amused. “My office. Now.” He said just under his breath. I nodded, and quietly shut the door behind us.

  “What in the hell were you thinking?!” He whisper yelled. “Breaking, and entering, then going back to steal evidence! Are you trying to wind up in a cell?”

  “Did Ben-”

  “Yes! Ben came to me this morning, and told me everything. When did you plan on telling me that Sarah Ryan had a son? You're interfering with an investigation Haylee, and committing crimes to do it!”

  “It isn't an active investigation!” I whisper yelled back. “Besides, I couldn't just come to you with knowledge of a child without proof!”

  “You're suspended!”

  “What! You've got to be fucking kidding me!”

  “I suggest you stop talking before you say something you'll regret James. I want that lock box, your gun, and your badge on my desk by the end of the day.”

  “Please just let-”

  “I gave you the chance to tell me the truth Haylee. I can't help you anymore. Shut the door on your way out.”

  I should have said more, fought more, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Instead I pulled my gun from it's holster, and un-clipped my badge setting both on his desk. Then, with as much strength as I could muster, I marched into the interrogation room where Ben was and stopped directly in front of him. “Fuck You!” I said, shoving him hard in the chest. “This is what I get for trusting you! And to think I actually believed the bullshit you were spewing about Noah. I let you get in my head... But that was your plan wasn't it? To make me doubt him. This isn't over.” I turned on my heel to leave, but he gripped my arm just enough to stop me.

  “I was worried about you, Haylee. You were letting your dad's murder cloud your judgment. That's what friends do. Please, I was only doing what was right.” He pleaded.

  I spun to face him again, and bored my eyes into his. “Don't. Touch. Me.”

  He let go of me immediately, and just as fast as I'd entered the room, I stormed out. My head was spinning. Was Ben really looking out for me, or was he playing me? For the first time in my life I couldn't trust my gut, and it didn't just piss me off, it terrified me.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When I got back to my apartment, I was on a mission. Noah was already asleep, so as quietly as I could I pulled the four file boxes belonging to my father out of our hall closet. I was determined to find my mother. I didn't know who to trust at this point. A part of me wanted to believe that Ben was looking out for me, but both Erin and Noah thought that he was hiding something.

  The first box I opened contained insurance papers, property deeds, and birth/death certificates. Nothing that I could use, but I spread everything out on the floor in front of me anyways. I pushed the coffee table up against the couch making more room, as I unloaded every box. I had a pile of photos to my left, and a stack of unmarked envelopes to my right.

  My dad had asked me multiple times over the years if I was interested in finding my mom, and I had always told him no. Now I wished like hell that I would have taken him up on his offer. The only thing I found was an address, but from the looks of it she was living there over ten years ago. Feeling defeated, I grabbed the stack of photos and plopped down onto the couch, crossing my legs underneath me.

  I started flipping through the photos, smiling when I came across familiar images of my dad, and I. If he were here right now he would probably think that I was losing my grip, and I couldn't blame him. I sighed, looking around at the mess that I'd created in my living room. I never should have listened to Erin. I should have just let the rookies handle the investigation. Maybe then I wouldn't be sitting on my couch, suspended, looking through old photographs.

  I continued looking through the photos when suddenly I stopped. There was a picture of me around two years old, and I was holding a baby. I flipped it over, but it was blank. I felt my heart begin to beat erratically, and I had to take a few deep breaths to try and calm myself. Was this why my mom left? Did I have a little brother? Did something happen to him? I shook my head, standing, and pacing the room. Nothing about this picture made any sense. My dad wouldn't lie to me. This little boy could have been anyone. A friend's child maybe?

  I dug through the photographs searching for more images of the baby, but found none. I couldn't even see his face clearly, just that he was swaddled in a blue blanket, and I was grinning from ear to ear. I don't remember any of dad's friend's bringing a baby around when I was younger, maybe it was a one time thing. Dad always snapped way too many photos. I stood from the couch, and set it carefully on the the coffee table, before reaching for the stack of envelopes.

  Every single one was blank, but they had all been opened and resealed by tucking the flap inside. I opened the first one carefully, and pulled out what appeared to be a piece of lined paper from a legal pad. The yellow coloring was worn a bit, but when I unfolded it, the text was clearly legible. There was a date, hand written in cursive in the right hand corner. June 1996. It was addressed to my dad, and signed simply.. me.

  Aaron, I know I promised not to contact you again, but it's urgent. There's something I need to tell you, and I can't do it in a letter. Meet me at our spo
t, midnight. -Me.

  “Who are you?” I asked myself, as I reached for the next envelope. This letter was written on the same paper, and bore the same handwriting as the first. The date was a month later.

  Aaron, I understand why you didn't show up, but I NEED to see you. I promise it will be the very last time. I'll be waiting, same spot, same time. -Me

  The next few letters were more of the same, each of them a month apart. When I reached the month of September, something fell out, as I unfolded the letter. I bent to pick it up, only to drop it again when I realized what it was. My hands were trembling when I reached for it again, trying to gain the nerve to actually look at it. I took a deep breath, holding it in both of my hands. An ultrasound image. The word “boy” was typed above the baby's anatomy, but the patient name had been removed from the top. I read the letter then.

  Aaron, this isn't how I wanted to tell you, but you won't see me. I'm four months along now, he's a boy. I don't want anything from you. I just wanted you to know. I'll be at our spot tonight, same time. -Me

  I was in complete shock. My dad cheated on my mom? With who? And was that who I was holding in the picture? My little brother? Where was he now then? What happened to him? Did my dad ever meet with “me?” I thought that I had questions before, but now I didn't know what to think. My dad was my best friend, he told me everything. I quickly read through the remaining letters, and realized that my dad never met with her. The final letter was dated February 1997.

  Aaron, You got your wish. You no longer have to worry about me. He didn't make it. He was stillborn Aaron. I'm sorry for all that I've put you through these past months, but it's over now. Good bye Aaron. -Me

  “What?” I whispered aloud, as tears began falling from my eyes. “None of this makes any sense.”

  “Hales?” Noah's deep voice gently asked, breaking through my thoughts. “Why are you home? What's all of this?”

  I lost it then. I completely broke down. The tears fell from my eyes so hard that I could have drowned in them. Noah was beside me on the sofa in an instant, pulling me into his side and cradling me there. “Shh.” He whispered, kissing the top of my head. “I'm here Sugar. Tell me what's going on.”

  I tried to take a few calming breaths, as Noah rubbed his hand, up and down my shoulder. “Where do you want me to start?” I finally asked, as I regained a bit of my composure.

  “How about the beginning.” He said softly.

  I nodded against him, resting my head in the crook of his neck. “I got suspended.” I whispered. Instead of pressing me, he kissed the top of my head, urging me to continue. “I confided in Ben, and told him about the lock box. He told chief Craig. I was so hurt, and I didn't know who I could trust so I rushed home and started digging through my dad's things. I was looking for information on my mom, but I found all of this instead.”

  “And what is all of this?”

  “I honestly don't even know.” I sighed, before leaving the comfort of his embrace and gathering all the things I'd been going over for the past few hours. I handed him the stack of letters, and the photograph, and watched as his facial expression changed from confusion to understanding, and then back to confusion again. At least I wasn't the only one.

  “Ben was born in February.” Noah said, pulling his phone from his pocket and pulling up the image of the birth certificate.

  “But, she says the baby died Noah. And, I have to believe that if my dad had a living child out there somewhere, he'd be a part of his life. He raised me alone, he wouldn't just abandon his child.”

  “You're probably right. Look, I know you and the chief aren't on the best terms, but he's still your God father. Maybe he would know something about the baby in the picture? Or these letters even?”

  “Yeah, maybe.” I said, feeling defeated. “I think I'm going to go take a hot bath, clear my head a bit.”

  “Alright, Sugar.” He said, giving me a little squeeze. “Holler if you need anything.”

  I turned the faucet on as hot as my body could stand it. And as the bathroom filled with steam, I couldn't help but stare at my reflection in the mirror. How could I have not known the man who raised me? The man who taught me to be independent, and always speak my mind. He was the best father a girl could ever ask for, and yet I feel like everything was a lie. Did my mom really leave because she met someone else, or did she leave because he had an affair?

  The instant I slipped into the scalding water I closed my eyes. How could I have misjudged someone so easily? If my own father could lie, and manipulate me, who's to say that Ben, or Noah even weren't doing the same thing. Who the hell was I supposed to trust in this mess, if I couldn't even trust myself?

  I sunk beneath the bubbles then, and screamed as loud as I could, the water muffling the sound. I did it again, and again, until I could feel my lungs burning from the force. When I pulled myself back up, I titled my head towards the ceiling, letting it rest on the tubs ledge. I could faintly hear Noah on the phone, probably telling Erin about my break down. Hell, he was probably sleeping with her too. Ben was, even though he was gay. If my dad could cheat, why not Noah? I felt the tears start to form behind my eyes again, and I quickly pushed them down.

  My emotions were all over the place. I was angry at my dad for lying to me. Sad that I had a little brother that I never knew about, and mortified that I would never feel the same about anyone in my life ever again. Noah knocked on the door then, shaking me from my thoughts.

  “Sugar?” He asked, as he slowly pressed the door open. “Are you alright?”

  “Were you talking to Erin?” I snapped.

  “What? No, I was talking to the chief. I told him that I wasn't coming in tonight.”

  “Great. Now everyone at the station is going to know the reason you aren't there.”

  “Since when do you care what other people think?”

  “Since now!” I said standing abruptly, water splashing out of the tub. “Since my dad was a cheating hypocrite, and my fiance has been lying to my face!”

  Noah grabbed a towel from the rack behind the toilet, and took a few steps towards me. He tried to wrap it around me, but I pushed him away snatching it from his hands. “Sugar..” He said softly.

  “No! Don't 'Sugar' me Noah!” I yelled. “You knew didn't you?”

  “Knew what Hales?” He asked, tossing his hands up in defeat.

  “About my dad's affair! How could you not? You were his partner Noah! You're telling me he never mentioned a woman? Someone he was seeing?”

  “No, he didn't! If he did, don't you think that I would have told the chief?”

  “Not if you were trying to protect him! His reputation? Was Ben right all along? Are you the reason my dad's dead?” I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, but it was too late to take them back now. “Noah, I-”

  “I know you're hurting Hales, but it doesn't give you the right to be a shitty person.” He said softly before turning away, and shutting me in the bathroom.

  I dropped back into the bathtub towel and all, and held my knees to my chest as I cried. I heard the front door slam, and I only cried harder. I pushed the only person that I could truly count on away because I didn't know how to process everything that I'd learned. I knew in my heart of hearts that he had no idea about my dad's affair, he was only eight years old when the letters were written, but I went there anyway. I went too far, even for Noah. Noah, who accepts me as I am, and puts up with my shitty moods. I don't deserve him, and he didn't deserve what I just did to him.

  I pulled myself up from the tub again. My legs were shaky as I climbed out, and found a dry towel. After brushing my hair, I grabbed one of Noah's tee shirts, and changed into it, the familiar scent, somehow comforting me. I climbed into his side of the bed then, and buried my face into his pillow. I'd just lay here for a little while. Just until he came back, and then I'd make things right.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I woke up all alone, to the smell of bacon wafting through the apar
tment. “Noah.” I whispered, as I remembered the things that I'd said to him last night. A felt a wave a guilt wash over me, and I suddenly wanted to vomit. Taking a deep breath I pulled myself into a sitting position. My pillow had been untouched. He didn't come to bed last night. Maybe he didn't even come home? I tried to shake the negative thoughts from my mind, but I failed miserably. I just wanted to see him. To apologize to him.

  With as much courage as I could muster, I made my way towards the kitchen. I stopped when I saw him. He was standing over the stove, spatula in hand, wearing nothing but a pair of low hung sweat pants. I crossed my arms leaning on the archway, admiring the view, and mulling over what exactly I was going to say, when he startled me.

  “Like what you see?” He asked, as he flipped an egg.

  He didn't even turn around, but he knew I was there. He could sense it. “Did.. did you come home last night?” I asked softly. From the crack in my voice it was clear what I hoped that his answer would be.

  “Of course I came home.” He said, sounding annoyed. “Where else would I go?”

  “I- I don't know.” I stammered. I tried to say something, I wanted to even, but the words just wouldn't come out. Instead, I felt the tears forming behind my eyes. I closed them briefly, trying to keep them away, but it was useless. I brought my hands to my face, and I cried into them. A few seconds later, I felt Noah's arms wrap around me, and it only made me cry harder. “I'm so sorry.” I sobbed, into his bare chest. “Please, I-”

  “Shh.” He said, consoling me. “I know, Sugar.”

  “I love you so much.” I whispered.

  “I love you too.” He whispered back, kissing the top of my head. “And for the record, I tried to sleep in the bed last night, but someone stole my side.”

  “Please stop being so nice to me.” I said, as I looked up into his eyes.

  He laughed, wiping my tears with the pads of his thumbs, before cupping my face in his hands. “What should I do instead?”

  “I don't know.. anything. Yell at me, tell me to- mmmph”